Getting personal tonight

Getting a little bit personal with the internet tonight.

Do you ever feel like there should be more to life than what is “expected” of us? Do you ever wonder why you’re not currently doing what you dream of doing? Do you ever think to yourself, “why can’t I be like that?”. Well, yeah, me too. I’ve had a few epiphanies this week and I don’t even know if there is anyone out there truly reading what I’m saying, but I suppose I just had to vent my spleen a little.

They say we are our biggest critics. And I have to agree. I get so frustrated sometimes because I feel like something’s holding me back from achieving my dreams. But there’s nothing stopping me, just myself. I feel like I’ve been placing myself in a box and letting fear stop me from breaking out. I saw a quote the other day and it really struck a cord with me.

“Don’t just think outside the box, break the box”

Yes, we’re constantly told we can do it. We can be successful and to strive for better. And there are mighty good examples of success being 100% possible. But why do I feel like we’re still encouraged to settle and to stick with any steady job you can get because holy shit money is important. Yes, money is important. But I’m so sick of feeling limited because of it. I have close to nothing in my bank account right now and I’m thinking to myself, “why did I quit that job that made me so unhappy every day?” OH, I know. Because I was miserable. I know I probably sound like a flippin’ ungrateful fool but I promise I’m really not. Working a 9 to 5 job is great too in its own way, but dammit there has to be more than this. I don’t regret quitting at all. But that brings me to think if I had the courage to do that, where’s the courage to take the next move and make something of myself? Where’s the courage to really break out of the mould? Why am I so paralysed by the expectations of others.

I can move from country to country, yet I can’t muster up enough courage to change things about my life and about myself for the fear of judgement or embarrassment. I’m always comparing myself to who I was and I think to myself… Why?? I am still essentially the same person. But I’m clearly more worried about how I am perceived by other people and that determines almost everything that I do in life. Sometimes I just want to scream and hope that I let out the demon inside of me. But instead, I just blast some music and for a moment dance without a care in the world. 10/10 recommend trying that if you don’t already do it.

I’m still very lucky. And when I really look at my life, I’m so happy with what I have. I think we just have to use our bad times as motivation and actually do something about those things we are unhappy about. Embrace those days, because I believe that having those days actually mean you’re on the path to something better. Without a little criticism you’ll never be challenged, right?

Now that that’s off my chest… Stay tuned for my next post! I promise it’ll be more upbeat.

x
moment of clarity

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